Bo Jackson Curse? The Bengals aren’t cursed, they’re just inept

Bengals owner Mike Brown (c.) is responsible for the Carson Palmer era and Andy Dalton era.

Bengals owner Mike Brown (c.) is responsible for the Carson Palmer era and Andy Dalton era.
clarification: Getty Images

In perusing my Wild-Card Weekend storylines to write about, I found Curse Bo Jackson to be particularly interesting. If you’ve never heard of Bo Jackson, then gosh you’re too young, but if you’ve never heard of Curse of Bo Jackson Then, like me, you’re new to this contrived borderline damnation.

I didn’t know the Cincinnati Bengals hadn’t won a playoff since they ended Bo Jackson’s career with a natural-looking tackle on the 1991 AFC Divisional Tour 31 years ago, but it makes sense. For most of my life – I was born in 1986 and have been watching football since I can remember – the Bengals have been bad, even when they were good.

That stretch before Carson Palmer got hurt, when Chad Johnson hadn’t yet adopted Ochocinco, and she didn’t put “possession” before the receiver when she spoke of TJ Hochmandzadeh, was kind of impressive. (Possession receivers are for wide receivers such as game managers for midfielders.)

The Palmer era faded, as did the Andy Dalton-AJ Green era, which was marked by more playoffs (five versus two Palmer) but also more playoff losses (five versus two Palmer).

I have a weakness for the Bengals because one of their talented receivers always ends up with my fantasy team. (Shout out to Ja’Marr Chase.) He’ll look good early in the season, but once you think they’re a safe bet, they drop to 24 in the supercharger in the first half — and that’s a good overall.

Owner Mike Brown insists he plays Kevin Costner in his realistic version of Draft Day It has resulted in many gaffes, including busts project And flair for looks Character defects. He and Jerry Jones are the only owners with the Owner and GM titles, but at least Jones spends the money. Wait… did you just compliment Jerry Jones? I think I just complimented Jerry Jones. You know you’re a bad money owner when Jerry Jones makes you look incompetent.

Hochmandzadeh told Colin Cord that Brown was so cheap that he didn’t have Gatorade or bottled water when he first started, and that his teammates there before him said they only got used play straps.

This is not a curse, it is a filthy organization. It’s as if the Bambino curse wasn’t so much a curse on the Red Sox as a refusal by Boston to sign black players (they were the last big-league team to fuse, so when they signed Pompeii Green in 1959, 12 years after Jackie Robinson). Blaming billy goats for being impossibly under-qualified for a century isn’t a curse. The Bengals blamed Bo Jackson because it was the last notable thing they did that was not a curse.

The Bills losing four Super Bowls in a row is anathema. The inability of the Vikings to achieve large field goals Even when they have a good repayment a curse. Passing the Portland Trail Blazers over Michael Jordan and Kevin Durant for the injury-prone big men and falling into mediocrity is anathema.

Don’t turn it back on a hex when Joe Burrow’s career is shortened because the general manager/owner didn’t spend money or pick a draft on an offensive line to keep him from becoming the injury-ravaged Bengals QB’s next franchise. He’s already torn the anterior cruciate ligament, and the man keeps banged.

Eight playoffs (not playoffs; rounds mean you’ve won a game) in 31 years and a score of 176-90 in the seven games you’ve played doesn’t count as unlucky. Your closest win was a brave AJ McCarron’s 18-16 loss to the Steelers in 2015.

If you’re looking to correct someone you’ve wronged, start with Marvin Lewis, not Bo Jackson. Taking a Mike Brown design team to the playoffs seven times in 15 years is a task worth more than a Hall of Fame board than a semi-retirement advisory party for Herm Edwards in Arizona.

This is the Raiders’ second playoff appearance in nearly 20 years, but they blame their stupid owners for their flaws as much as rational fans. Blame the curse on Brown being given a pass, and I know the faithful in Bengal don’t want to do that.

I’ll be dragging Burrow, Chase and my man Zac Taylor (GBR!) to finish “fuck” on Saturday, but don’t be surprised if a bad Juju game continues as long as Brown is the owner/GM.

Fun note: If you want another link between these two teams, the Raiders coach in their last Super Bowl appearance was Bill Callahan, who coached Bengals coach Zack Taylor when he played with QB in Nebraska.

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